Health & Safety

June 7, 2012

Heal effectively following separation-related emotional loss

By Chaplain (Maj.) Brian Reck
2-13th Aviation Regiment

A Soldier comes up on orders. He or she is going to deploy. This leads to emotional changes.

When we first leave our loved ones, we have a heart-wrenching experience. As we focus on our mission and life at home during deployment, those pains begin to fade. We haven’t forgotten, nor has our love been lost, but it is tucked away to be accessed at a later time. This is a built-in coping mechanism for us while our loved ones are away. Unfortunately, the loss of feeling doesn’t come back much faster than it faded. Fortunately, however, it can and will return.

Problems result when we try to force those feelings to return “overnight.” Sometimes we are fooled because of the excitement and physical pleasure we experience upon return, and we think those emotions have all come back. We all are aware there is a “honeymoon period.”

It is normal for a Soldier to come home and be somewhat cold-hearted. Soldiers attempt to replace the internal void through high adrenaline events, camaraderie with squad members and hard work. Although many of these things are good, they do not replace the sweet emotions that come from intimacy or the tender love expressed by a child.

Not only is the male’s emotional state altered, but also a woman’s emotional state is affected. My experience has shown separation normally results in a substantial loss of esteem. The loss of emotional stimulation from their spouse seems to create an internal emptiness.

Following a deployment, I remember telling my wife in one of those late night “discussions,” after a few months of struggles, “Honey, I can tell you I love you a thousand times, but until you believe it, it will be as if I never said it at all.” She paused for a moment and then humbly said, “I think you are right.”

We had few problems after that. That one statement and acceptance seemed to heal everything we had been dealing with. There was a simple awareness and an acknowledgement of what the problem was. Another common problem I hear from young spouses is, “I don’t feel the same way I used to.” Or they may say, “I don’t think I ever loved them.” Once the feelings have faded for an extended period of time, it seems like they will never return or they simply never existed.

There is good news though. Those wonderful feelings can and will return. It does take some patience however, something with which most of us struggle.

Be aware there is a loss that alters the way you see yourself and the world around you. You can be loved, you can revive the old feelings you once had and become happy and healthy again. Be patient and don’t expect yourself or your spouse to heal or change overnight. Just because they don’t act like they are madly in love with you after you have been together for a week, it doesn’t mean they don’t care.

Go on dates; have quality time together. Be affectionate, even if you don’t feel like it. Talk about everything like you did when you were courting. Additionally, there should be lots of touching to revive the comfort of togetherness. Moreover, intimacy must be more than physical. It needs to be focused on meeting the needs of your spouse.

Finally, dedicate your life to pleasing your spouse. Forget yourself. I once heard it said, “I love my wife because I serve her.” Serving your spouse actually does more to help you heal than it does for the other. If you still have issues, get help — there is still hope.




All of this week's top headlines to your email every Friday.


 
 

 
DoD
Scott Ash

Air Force: Top Airman discusses AF future

Scott Ash Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. Mark Welsh III gives his keynote speech at 2014 Air Force Association’s Air and Space Symposium and Technology Exposition, Tuesday, in Washington, D.C. WASHINGTON (AFNS) — Air Force C...
 
 
DoD

Marines: Gen. Mattis honored by No Greater Sacrifice

WASHINGTON — To most Marines this man is a legend. To other Americans he would just be another veteran sporting tightly cropped white hair and a face worn from years of combat. When he speaks listeners hear sincerity, confidence and blunt wisdom. He is a legend among those new and old to the Corps —...
 
 
IMG_0644

All Army Boxing Championship concludes, AAB team now decided

Spc. Melissa Parker, left, and Pvt. Rianna Rios from Fort Carson, Colo., during the All Army Boxing Championships at Barnes Field House on Sept. 13. In the women’s lightweight division at 125 lbs., Rios defeated Parker 2 – ...
 

 

News Briefs September 19, 2014

Leave donations sought The following Department of the Army Civilians are in need of leave donations due to medical emergencies: Melinda McIntire, Francisco Ramirez, Michele Standley and Gerhard Petterson. Employees interested in donating leave should complete OPM Form 630-A, Request to Donate Annual Leave to a Recipient under the Voluntary Leave Transfer Program. A copy...
 
 

FMWR Briefs – September 19, 2014

Fun Festival vendors needed FMWR personnel seek food, arts and crafts, novelty and other vendors for the 2014 Fun Festival to be held Sept. 26 – 28 at Veterans’ Memorial Park, Sierra Vista. For more information, call 520.538.0836 or 520.266.8033. SAC has openings for after-school care The School-Age Center, located in Building 52056, has several...
 
 
Photo1

Buena HS JROTC holds ceremony, retires flags

From left, C/Cpl. Jacob Sieler, 16, Sam Sieler, 8, and C/Cpl. Bryce Devoss, 17, render salutes during the Junior Reserve Officer Training Corps’ Fourth Annual Flag Retirement Ceremony, Sept. 11 at Buena High School. The event...
 




0 Comments


Be the first to comment!


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>


Directory powered by Business Directory Plugin