Snakes! Run for cover
Time to take a break from the serious for an issue and I thought this little story of my Air Force journey may get you to chuckle a bit. This story does come with a warning and no matter what, please don’t try this at home!
In the 1970s my pay as an Airman was not what we shall say over abundant and with a wife to support and living off base it called for some thinking outside the box to make ends meet.
Stationed at George AFB in Victorville many of us were looking for that little side job that could help that bottom line. “Moonlighting” as it was called was frowned upon by Uncle Sam back in those days but the enterprising airman was willing to take that chance if given an opportunity.
By a chance meeting on a Friday night in downtown Victorville I found a great opportunity to pad my wallet a bit. A gentleman was having dinner and he was sporting a beautiful cowboy hat with a rattlesnake skin band around it. Striking up a conversation this gentleman I found out was making these custom hats out in Apple Valley and had quite the business going! He did have one problem and that was getting enough rattler skins! The wheels started turning and I asked how much he paid for a skin, 10 bucks apiece he said! I was hooked! Ten snakes, $100, piece of cake, right?
Being an old desert rat from around these parts I had my fair share of snake encounters and by luck (many would not call it that) I was stationed three-days a week out at Cuddeback Gunnery range on the Mojave Desert taking care of equipment at the small Air Force facility.
Well it just so happens that about every 10 feet you walked the buzz of an overabundance of sidewinders would greet you! So I had my source and before long I had my snake pole and rope. Using unused 50-pound Freon bottle boxes it didn’t take long to get about 10 good rattlers a week. Transportation from George to Cuddeback via Highway 395 got to be pretty lonely after a while as nobody wanted to ride with the crazy snake guy with the constant buzzing box in the back of the truck!
This went on for a while and of course higher ups were unaware of the ‘airman snake wrangler’ working in the Civil Engineering compound, and thanks to the long drive back to the base when I would return, the transfer from my shop truck to civilian truck of my rattling pay day went unnoticed, but then came the day when that all came to a very quick ending!
Our squadron commander a lieutenant colonel had a phobia about things that slithered on the ground and, much like Indian Jones, he just down right hated snakes.
The day came when a short day at Cuddeback had me back at George around three o’clock with an hour to kill before I could head home. My rattler batch was in the back of my truck and within a half hour all hell broke out when wild kingdom took over the shop compound. My commander was walking past the back of the parked trucks when a strange sound caught his attention. Curiosity killed the cat but in this case curiosity almost killed my Air Force career!
With a box flap opened and a yelling man, we all came flying out of the shop to see the colonel in the dirt field pointing and hollering and with a quick look at the truck and an open box on its side I knew the gig was up! The snakes were loose! It took about an hour, but we rounded up the critters. But the biggest danger was still loose and sporting silver leafs on his collar!
Those of you that served know what it’s like to stand in front of that desk at attention and defend yourself before the gates of hell are opened and your heaved in. To this day I can’t even remember what I said in my defense but whatever it was I said driving compound taxi for two weeks was a pretty light sentence! I won’t lie and not say losing that extra 100 bucks a week didn’t really hurt but I was happy to still have those stripes on my sleeves!
This story does have a funny ending. In 1979 when my days at George came to an end, the squadron gave me a going away party and the gift they gave me always reminded me of the glory days of Bob the Airmen snake wrangler. The shop foreman and squadron commander presented me a wrapped box with, you guessed it, 10 life size rubber snakes!
Until next time, rattle rattle and Bob out!