I don’t recall my specific age, but I remember being out of college and getting ready to leave for Officer Training School when my father handed me a small package.
Inside was a frame, not with the expected picture of my family, but a poem that begins with, “You’ve failed many times, although you may not remember.” He told me to not be discouraged by the setbacks that may come, but to look at them as an opportunity to grow or start again.
As someone preparing for OTS, I thought it was odd he would talk to me about failure at this juncture in my life. Everything I had worked for was coming together—my two-year stint as an engineer after college had gone well, my wife was about to finish graduate school and I was leaving to embark on a journey to fulfill my dream of being a pilot in the Air Force. I was confident and hopeful in the future because of my past successes.
In spite of my optimism, if there is one thing I have learned from my nearly 12 years in the Air Force, it is that setbacks will always come. Whether it is not being selected for a special project or program, serving at a base that was your last choice or being passed over for a job or promotion, setbacks will disappoint us in life. We may perceive these setbacks and disappointments as failures. Sometimes they are in our control, but many times they are not. Life has a habit of handing out just enough chaos to thwart our well-laid plans, but the most important thing we can do is pick ourselves up and try again.
After all, like the poem my father gave me says, “You fell down the first time you tried to walk.” The goal of life should not be oriented around avoidance of failure. It should be characterized by the chances we take in pursuit of our goals and our ability to learn and adapt from failure to make us more resilient, adaptive and focused. Failures should be the point of departure for future greatness, not the end credits of our story.
Whenever I’m feeling discouraged, challenged or strained, I look at the frame on my desk and remember, “Heavy hitters, the ones who hit the most home runs, also strike out a lot … Babe Ruth struck out 1,330 times, but he also hit 714 home runs.”
After reflecting on these words for the past decade, I’ve realized failure is an affirmation that you are pushing the limits of your abilities. Someone will always be bigger, stronger, faster, or better, but it is the choices we make, the calculated risks we take and how we face our failures that matters most. Do we sit and lament about situations that are now in the past and unable to be changed? Or do we pick ourselves up and set our sights on the future that we can still influence for a better tomorrow?
Failure in life is more of a guarantee than a possibility, and the chances we don’t take because of fear will cement that failure before we’ve even tried. Focus on the future and don’t be afraid to take chances knowing that failure could be the result.
Why is the risk of failure worth taking chances? You may find, as I have many times, that without the chances and failures, you would have missed out on something great in your career that you wouldn’t have pursued otherwise. When I was in pilot training I wanted to fly fighters, but the mobility mission has been incredible, and I wouldn’t go back and change it for anything. Columbus Air Force Base in Mississippi was third on my list of choices, but I didn’t want to leave when it was time to move on. Supervising 120 new lieutenants seemed like a menial chore, but turned out to be one of the best leadership opportunities and impactful positions I’ve had. Each of these examples were times when I was frustrated and believed I had failed in some way, but my father would remind me that the doors that close will force me to explore new roads.
Not only did my father provide these encouraging words that have given me resolve in the past, he has been a witness to the truth of these words. His perseverance and determination in the face of failures of one kind or another has been an inspiration to me. Having an example to emulate has reinforced this theme that has resonated throughout my life. Think of people in your life who you have witnessed continue the good fight when all seemed lost. Look to their example and remember, “Don’t worry about failure. Worry about the chances you miss when you don’t even try.”